Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
May you have a lot of empty closets that close easily available today.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
i was listening to an american author this morning who mentioned the following quote" if you want to feel empowerede, use your power". I observed my reaction to this. First i thought critically: well, thats one of those typical housewife-in-mind quotes.. then i paused. Because i had caught myself once again in the trap of labeling ... so i pressed the rewind button for my brain (believe me there is one, just hard to find...) and listened to the words again. This time i noticed that i didnt like the quote. Why??? Because it tells you that everybody has some power in himself no matter how powerless he or she might feel. That statement is nice. But not for me. Because at the moment i am working hard on recreating (or creating....) a self esteem that is not based on outside achievements, image or results but on finding my true inner worth and this quotes addresses some of my issues. In my sick world my self esteem has been based on the pillars of pleasing others to get love, ED, and producing results. The pillar of ED replaced such important issues like self acceptance, social confidence.... and i did not notice it at all!!! so being the impulsive me, i said i was going to tear the ED pillar to pieces, with so much anger i intended to make dust out of him. Guess what, i was told and believe it that this doesnt work that way, at the moment, ED has maybe a crack in the pillar but not more... and it will be a long time before some of the pillar can be blown up. And only if I find oother pillars that i will be able to strengthen. One of the most difficult for me will be self acceptance. There i could use some empowerment. And then this quote is telling me that the power lies already within me - Where is it??? I have no idea. And this doesnt feel good. So that is why i dont like the quote But....#
it is a truly inspiring quote since it implies that even though i dont know where the power is (maybe in my toes.....) i will be able to boost my power level once i found it. Or maybe i dont even have to find it and just wait to feel it.
I hope all of you out there are able to identify their power source and are able to use it today.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
To all my friends out there i am feeling your disappointment and i take it in but i cannot but disappoint you at the moment and you have every right to walk out on me... just like i walk out on myself a lot recently. Hopefully better days where i can accept the care of others better are to come.
Friday, May 15, 2009
My personal story has been strange over the past weeks. While my spirit is better my health is worse... and i dont do anything against it. I just let it go and focus my energy on fulfilling my daily tasks. But i still dont care enough about me. Well, i first have to accept this and then i can act right???? Today i do and i feel not only compassionate for this friend leaving but also for myself. I feel that i have had quite a few challenges too that i need to deal with and i feel sorry for myself (without indulging in self-pity) that i have a disease that is not easy to conquer. i used to love challenges and try hard to accomplish whatever task has been given to me but this one is the hardest so far. It is unmanageable for most of the times... at least thats what i have learned. it doesnt help to want to fight it. It involves opening up to the help of others and boy oh boy i hate to ask for help. i hate to be pitied but yet i need pity. I hate to accept help but i realize that in order to get better i will have to eventually give in and do what others tell me to do...
May you all have a weekend filled with the three l's live laugh and love.... until the next time
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I need to be knowing that my mistakes will open the gate into learning so i will repeat the title of this blog over and over as my mantra.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Today again, my life has been ruled by either my disease or my husband and that feels like i am close to suffocating. Life can be so simple and nice so why not grab it by the horns and just do it - even if that means that my husband disagrees (which he does most of the time anyway...) and i will see him grumpy. For me it is healther to follow my own voice and see a grumpy husband than to continue living in the shadow of somebody else.
May you all follow your own inner light which is warmth, love and kindness towards yourself first.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
It is a good day today and if I close my eyes I can feel the freedom of Madrid, caressing me.
I hope everybody out there has a good day full of wonderful memories too
Thursday, April 9, 2009
With the Easter days coming up i would like to close with a thought my oldest gave me this morning. He said that he didnt in the past understand why Christans called the crucification day of Christ "Good Friday" because he hadnt thought that such a cruel day could be a good day. He then continued and said that now he understood the true meaning and that Jesus was really a hero for dying so that we could have "good days" ahead. What a lovely train of thought and what a realistic one. I love my son who truly believes in God without any demands or expectations. I will say a prayer for him to tonight. He is not with me at the moment but at his grandparents. While i am sure he is going to have a good time, i already miss his wisely (though at times unnerving or disturbing) comments.
May you drift into the upcoming Easter with ease.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I would like to be happy because as the dalai lama says it is the right of everybody to be happy and it is the wish of everybody and i am no different. I remember being happy and loving it. I remember how it felt to not worry about anything and just be. So today i want to recreate this feeling a bit and bring it back alive. Tomorrow is a new day. A day full of surprises and this days reality will happen only once. So I will have the chance to start anew tomorrow again and rise with a positive outlook and a light heart. I am blessed with love that is all around me if i choose to let it into my heart. I will be able to give love back to myself and others. I know how i just have to do it. May you all have the best reality tomorrow and feel happiness and love surrounding you.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Have a nice day everybody!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Then, every time I will struggle and be resilient to change, I will take out the horror scenario letter and read through it, asking myself whether this is the outlook I want. Or whether I wouldnt do better in living version 2 of my life even if that means an uncomfortable step at the moment. I am very keen on writing these two letters and I know i will have no problem in describing the horror scenario (did I forget to mention that I am a type half empty glass versus seeing it as half full instead...) but I want to also focus on describing my wished for life as best as I can. This is the task for the next week... try it out for yourself if you think you might benefit from it and I would love to have your feedback.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Also I saw today, how great the world can be if you see it through the eyes of a child (no wonder, my children love the song with that title by Reamon). While driving back from school one of my children commented on the wonderful sunset and how much they loved the warmth on their faces while playing outside. I agreed and yet I realized that I barely make enough time to feel this simple pleasures. I find all kind of activities instead of just feeling the sun on my nose.... hopefully I will take the time tomorrow and do what my children have done today - enjoying the moment as fully as possible not leaving out the weather...
Spring is a reminder of the eternal change that is surrounding our lives. In Chicago, the season of spring was almost non-existent, we went from winter to summer in one week. In Germany, I found out that the inbetween season, called spring, is so exciting because it opens your eyes for the changes that incur incessantly if we see them. A lot of things that seem to be dead awaken once more. So I will take nature as an example for believing that change lies within me and I will be able to change into a healthier being. Enjoy the pre spring season as fully as you can.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thanks to my friends I once learned about me being sick. Thanks to my friends I know I am never alone, no matter if I feel lonely here or not. They are out there living their lives but they don't forget me and neither do I.
Today I am grateful and happy.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I just finished doing my first one and it was hard to actually sit down and dedicate 20 minutes for it. But i am at a stage of my life where i have to do some major changes of which i am terribly scared. And so i will hold on to the hope that this action among others will help me. I also have started to read my buddhist inspirations again and must say i have missed doing so. I will share the 5 rememberances today that the Buddha wrote as interpreted by one of my favorite authors Thich Nhat Hahn:
- I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.
- I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape ill health.
- I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.
- All that is dear to ma and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.
- My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.
At first, you might think oh my goodness what depressive thoughts. But i disagree. I think that those realities are not written down to make you feel depressed but to teach you to fully embrace this very moment. And to not push responsibility for your own well being aside if inconvenient, something I tend to do. So for me, point nr. 5 is the most difficult one to accept. If you have got a minute reflect upon which one it is for you.
Have a wonderful peaceful day and enjoy the lovely weather, the sun and the birds. Listen to their voices as I did and realize that spring is near....
Monday, February 23, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
today i realiyed that there are days where i just have to accept that they are not the best ones... and this simple sentence shows me that i am far away from accepting reality. Sometimes i think too much in extremes and this sentence shows me precisely that. A day does not have to be the best ever... it is already enough if it is a good day. Just like it is okay to acknowledge that not all days are good. That is life. There is always the hope that tomorrow will be a better one. But too much hoping gets you out of the moment i find. So for now i will be happy that i have a great babysitter who is loved by us all, that my children are healthy and my husband on his way back from the airport. Life could be better but it sure could be worse too. And if i reflect on my day, i actually did some nice things that i have already filed as past - i painted a painting, i chatted with my friends, i wrote a letter to my godchild. Many nice things have happened. I just forgot to put those glasses on where i can actually see them.
May you be able to wear those glasses a lot today and tomorrow and....
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I taught my kids the 3 R´s and they thought it was easy. One asked why they were important. I answered that if we want to be happy that would be much harder if we didnt respect ourselves fully. He asked me why one wouldnt respect him/herself and I smiled. It is nice to see that children naturally do the right thing. They don´t dislike themselves if they have committed a mistake. It is only after the parents tell them that "they shouldn't have done that " that they start altering that thought. So for tomorrow I want to be thoughtful not to say "you shouldn't" too often. Not to others, and not to myself either.
Have a good evening everybody and talk to you tomorrow
Monday, February 9, 2009
i cant believe i actually am writing my first blurp... a good friend of mine gave me the idea and because i love writing i thought it could be a good idea. But what do I actually write now??? A couple of thoughts that run through my head. The importance of honesty in friendship is something that comes to my mind. I had a lovely conversation this morning and realized how important it is to be honest to each other. The truth sometimes hurts us and our friends and even though it is very thoughtful to believe that it is better to not hurt the other person's feelings it is actually unhealthy. For us and the other person. We owe it to ourselves as well as to others to stay true to our thoughts. If we are avoiding a conversation because it is hurtful to others we are hurting ourselves because instead of practising the art of communication we are feeding our fear of saying something unpleasant. Fear is a good thing if we use it wisely but in this case it is not. I believe that i would like to learn more about communication because i am still working on developping that skill but for today i am very happy because i know my friend understood me, i stayed true to my feelings and i feel good.
Is that a good start for a blog???? I dont know.