Wednesday, October 21, 2009

How many tears are too many??? or Winnetou is right...

No, the subject of this blog is not a sad one... on the contrary, as i was shedding tears today i realized that it has been a long time- probably almost a year that i felt so sad and ironically that makes me happy. Why??? Part of my disease is the cutting of unnecessary energy and emotions like crying use energy. My body needed every morsel of energy for maintaing its functioning therefore i did no longer have any feelings of sadness. This is no longer the case and that means if i touch things that have happened in the past that i felt sad about or hurt i can now cry about them. No, i cant let go of the things of the past. not yet. but the day is near... and i just feel tired and emotionally drained today. not more not less.
I bought a little funny book today for my husband that has the title How would Winnetou have decided (Winnetou is the most famous movie-American Indian that Germany ever produced) and it contains little fairy tale type of stories about being succesful. And of course one chaper is entitled "Winnetous rule no 5 : Always try and help yourself." The short sentence that the reader is supposed to memorize is: If you are looking for a helping hand, look first at the end of your right arm. Now that is new to me. Arent all the self help books always telling me that in order to change behaviour i have to learn how to ask others for help??? Both is true, but i like the aspect that Winnetou states that no problem can be solved solely by relying on the big manitoo (AKA God, Buddha....) entirely. For self centred people like me i like being helped and yell at them for treating me like a needy person.. so i want to visualize me having a right hand and a manitoo and then.... i smile and think YES WE CAN!!!

1 comment:

  1. OK, enough of this bullshit. It's amazing how selfish you are - it's all about you and everyone else around you suffers. Pull yourself together - you never had it so good - holidays here, holidays there etc. etc. - but you're too blind and self-centered to see that - you think people feel sorry for you? - no - they only feel sorry for your family and so should you. Get your act together before you completely destroy everyone's lives - you've probably already screwed up your kids.