Dalai Lama Quotes

Friday, January 29, 2010

winter wonderland

Who would have thought that this winter is going to be so different? Lots of snow but also beautiful air, sunshine at times. Reminds me a lot of my winters in the U.S. and i like to be reminded of these happy times. I am settling in again with my family after my long absence and there hasnt been one morning yet when i didnt feel the love my children are showing me. I can see the beauty and the privilege of being their mom and i am so grateful that i had been given another chance. So as i am looking back on the weeks that i have been home i am quite content with myself. I have my daily struggles and fallbacks with ED but overall i am still in a good place. i dont think too much about the future because i then feel immediately homesick for the U.S. and that hurts too much. I am most grateful that i have my friends here and i know it is good for me to open up more to them. They are very different from me but I can learn so much from them. What a great opportunity to embrace life more!!! When I catch myself daydreaming too much about a different life i just look at my children and i dont need to look any further. They are here and I am with them. Thats all that matters. When i wish for something else, i do the same and it works. So i wouldnt say i am the most positive person now but i dont dwell on the negative things too much and just get on...
I firmly believe that my constant comparison with another person, another life, another country... leads to nothing but frustration. So when the thoughts arise, i greet them but i dont react. It is hard to change your personality but i dont have to change it. I can just accept the fact that i am person who always tends to compare but that doesnt make me a bad person. It is just part of me.
I know that a lot of people my age have similar thoughts and that calms me down and makes me feel less awkward. Another good thing. I really feel i am not alone...
So tonight i will kiss my kids and wish them sweet dreams and i am going to be excited if they tell me their dreams tomorrow...