Who would have thought that this winter is going to be so different? Lots of snow but also beautiful air, sunshine at times. Reminds me a lot of my winters in the U.S. and i like to be reminded of these happy times. I am settling in again with my family after my long absence and there hasnt been one morning yet when i didnt feel the love my children are showing me. I can see the beauty and the privilege of being their mom and i am so grateful that i had been given another chance. So as i am looking back on the weeks that i have been home i am quite content with myself. I have my daily struggles and fallbacks with ED but overall i am still in a good place. i dont think too much about the future because i then feel immediately homesick for the U.S. and that hurts too much. I am most grateful that i have my friends here and i know it is good for me to open up more to them. They are very different from me but I can learn so much from them. What a great opportunity to embrace life more!!! When I catch myself daydreaming too much about a different life i just look at my children and i dont need to look any further. They are here and I am with them. Thats all that matters. When i wish for something else, i do the same and it works. So i wouldnt say i am the most positive person now but i dont dwell on the negative things too much and just get on...
I firmly believe that my constant comparison with another person, another life, another country... leads to nothing but frustration. So when the thoughts arise, i greet them but i dont react. It is hard to change your personality but i dont have to change it. I can just accept the fact that i am person who always tends to compare but that doesnt make me a bad person. It is just part of me.
I know that a lot of people my age have similar thoughts and that calms me down and makes me feel less awkward. Another good thing. I really feel i am not alone...
So tonight i will kiss my kids and wish them sweet dreams and i am going to be excited if they tell me their dreams tomorrow...
