I am not giving in and i will continue to try hard. i cannot make any promises. I am tired of disappointing people so i just want them to know that i truly love my friends and that i feel with them. I am not an easy task and it gets worse. The only work that my friends can do is to not do anything. I need to come to terms with myself. As long as it may take. My recovery depends entirely on my behaviour not the one of my friends. I never assumed much responsibility when things were getting bad. Always when i benefited from them... but i know i am not the only one doing this. it gives me great comfort to look around and see that there are more people out there with issues around food than myself. I might feel alone with my problem but i am not !
So by letting everybody know that right now i am struggling i am doing a first step towards accepting myself. And i dont know how to solve the current issues but other people dont know either. By acknowledging that i am still very sick i go down the right lane. i am not my disease but it is a huge part. What the future brings whether it is more hospital stays or less i have no idea. I will sit and wait and reflect.