Saturday, February 28, 2009
Am I ready
I have pondered the idea of writing a book for a long long time. I remember when I was mid 20's I shared this idea with a lovely relative who was about 90 at that time and she said right away go do it. I never did. Then, while in my 30's I felt too busy with the mundane task of raising a family. Now I have seen several signs that it is about time to release my thoughts onto paper. But I still have some voices that keep me from doing it. One is the language voice that keeps on whispering that i don't know in which language to write... English or German. I received a clear countersign yesterday by a friend who stopped me because she wanted me to know that every time she reads my blurp she thinks I am American.... so I went home yesterday reflecting about my nationality and realized: My important thoughts are engrained in English, my daily routine thoughts are in English, even my shopping list is in English... so I feel strongly to have to write in English. Other voices are louder and not so easily shut off. What if I don't know what to write? What if people don't like what I write,.... endless criticism. I know that people that have projects to do out there must feel the same and yet there are thousands of books, and authors in the world. This then leads me to believe that I just have to focus on the fact that I don't need to think of others when writing the book, this is a project for me from me. It is not about externally feeding my ego. I wonder how many projects of other people's life get done for reasons of their own well-being or for pleasing your ego with praise.... I would like to learn to let go of the ego praise thing. It holds so many benefits if you are no longer dependent on others' people praise but happy with your inner voice. A lot of weight will be lifted off the heart then. The Buddhist say less attachment to life more happines... and this is true for that aspect too.