Monday, June 7, 2010

special days are ...

Special days are ...
days where you find yourself alone but are actually not... you just dont count the blessings around you.
I am becoming aware how much i shut myself of the beauty of life sometimes... and i dont know how to live anymore.
No i am not writing another self pity blog i said to myself tonight. Life is sh... at the moment and that is not going to change. but...
i have 3 kids that adore me and have done everything today to make me happy... including a song played on the piano...
i have special friends who are able to still believe in me while i dont
i have great new walking gear and did a wonderful nordic walking tour today... i actually enjoyed some silence.... first i walked with somebody i truly cherish and then i did a stroll on my own through a completely deserted forest and realized how pretty nature is at the moment and how fortunate i am to be able to actually see it
i had a stranger at the checkout talk to me for a while today and he was soooo nice and attractive and it was fun to see that he seemed to be reluctant to leave too. we talked about art and cities and... and the nicest thing was that he entered my world unexpected ly and left it the same way and i probably will never see him again but he showed me that to cherish the moment is what makes me happy... not the plans or the worries (i know you all know that but i do intellectually grasp this idea yet dont manage to live by it...)
i got many presents today from a far away husband who is trying hard to let me know he loves me even though i dont see or feel it the same way
i can be by myself and not hate all about myself for while.
So, i have the wish that i will be able during the next year of my life to be more positive and not only see my deficiencies but to come to terms with myself more. To let more people into my world and to give more to them. To stop moaning and start living. To stop with the behavior of myself i most hate - one day at a time.

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